How To Move Through Fear
Fear keeps us down. Fear is a constant drain on our energy and life but there is a way past it. Let me share a section of a letter we got from Cathy, a woman who attended one of our LIVE Seminars.
“I escaped being beaten but not the fear of being beaten. I did not escape the fear of speaking to, or looking directly into a man's eyes, let alone the overwhelming fear of having a conversation or engaging in any way with a man.
It is against my nature to inflict pain upon anyone, even the one inflicting pain upon me. I was enraged, scared, confused, and conflicted by those choices and doubtful that I could remain strong enough to make a different choice. Even if I could find that strength, was safety ever possible? How can we move forward when we are so encased in fear?”
Maybe you have experienced violence, maybe you haven’t but we all have experienced fear. Fear of what could happen, fear of the unknown, fear of walking in unfamiliar territory, fear of the dark, fear of being cornered or grabbed and not finding an answer. The fear of not even knowing how to begin to find an answer to solving the problem of violence against women.
Think about your fear of violence. Does your fear seem insurmountable? Have you looked for an answer and never found one that seems quite enough? Do you ask yourself if there is a solution that gives you a way to look through fear and find the ability to act?
Why does the problem of violence against women seem so hard to solve? Why is sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, stalking, and murder of women so prevalent?
The simple answer is because some men are bastards and feel entitled to do as they like with little to no concern of retribution. But the other side of this problem is a combination of overwhelming fear of violence and the belief that there is not an answer that works for women, as Cathy’s story continues to show.
“How can we move forward when we are so encased in fear? LIVE is that answer. I had become prey, I had no confidence, I was unsure of everything, I didn’t like to go out, personal contact had become minimal at best. I felt I had to stop this, I didn't want to be the victim the rest of my life, to live in this fear. So I went with a group of women to LIVE.
I started scared and unsure if this was going to be worth it. As we progressed through the games I felt so much safer as learning LIVE is non threatening. There is no remembering sequences of moves, just how to move as you normally would into an attacker’s space and throw them off balance.
I am extremely confident that if anyone learns LIVE they will find a way to escape the violence. So much so I brought my daughter and granddaughter back to another seminar. I have suggested the seminar to many women in turmoil. I only hope they take it.
You see, LIVE takes the time to calm the fears and doubts women have, while recognizing the fear and violence they face is real. And Theresa seemed so empowered. I wanted to feel that. We started with simple exercises and games that I could do, nothing scary. There was no memorization, no right or wrong way, just feedback, information and sensation.”
What are the standard solutions given to women for this problem?
First you have people who say things like just walk and act confident, don’t be in places that are dangerous, don’t be alone with someone you don’t trust. Then you have the ones saying don’t put up with it, just keep kicking and hitting till they stop, go to the ground and kick from there your legs are much stronger. And last you have those who say don’t fight, just go with them. Oh yes, there are people who say don’t fight just put up with it or go with them so they don’t get more violent, it's safer that way.
Can you see what the underlying problem is with all of these answers?
In order to face the reality of violence against women and actually help them, LIVE focuses on what a woman can do not on forcing her to act like a man. The problem with all the standard self defense answers given to women is that they are all based on the incorrect idea that the attacker is the proverbial stranger in the bushes. And if you just act confident like a man he won’t attack. Or if he does, just fight like a man and he’ll stop. Or if you’re not capable of fighting him off like a man just give in, it won’t be that bad.
The reality is that the overwhelming majority of acts of violence against women are committed by someone they know. Which means they can’t avoid dangerous places or people because statistically the person who is going to hurt them is a man they know in their life already. How many times do we have to hear, I can’t believe this happened here, I can't believe he would do that, he seemed like such a nice person, before we acknowledge the real danger?
Everyday and every situation is shrouded in fear. Fear is exhausting and paralyzing. So often many ignore the reality of violence against women so they can function. But when you have been a victim or understand the reality of it, it overshadows everything in your life.
As long as women are told to look at this problem like a man, like it’s some kind of competition that has to be won, they will continue to be at a disadvantage and live in fear. The bottom line is that this is NOT a competition, it is a predator-prey situation where men are the predators and women are the prey. In nature prey don’t defeat their predators, they do everything within their natural abilities to evade and escape, to get away!
Women already have the natural capabilities they need to evade and escape violence. They just need to be shown how to unleash these abilities in a way that is right for them. LIVE does this safely and efficiently with experiential learning where women discover their abilities through games that are non threatening and fun.
The games of LIVE hone a woman's awareness to what is happening in the moment and allow her to focus on what she can do and NOT on what she can’t. When focusing on what you can do you are able to find solutions you didn’t think were possible. This focus shifts the brain from the fear of no solution, to one where there is always a way out.
Simply put, a woman’s ability to defend herself and survive a violent situation does NOT come from fighting like a man but from finding open space.
In LIVE women discover how to move along with an attack to find open space and escape, not fight. Cathy explains the significance of this.
“Everything in the LIVE seminar was optional. Participation in every game was completely my choice. One game was one that I could choose to do with a man. This idea really tested my inner resolve as I hadn’t been close to any man in 18 months but I decided to try. Not only did I succeed, it gave me an inner confidence, strength and knowledge that I could change the outcome of an assault.
I am extremely grateful that I was empowered by your seminar. If you only knew the positive impact you have made on my life. LIVE is the answer, it gave me back my confidence to venture out. I can’t thank you enough.”
I completely understand how Cathy feels because I was that person too, training gave me back my voice and confidence and I want to give that back to everyone I can with LIVE.
Theresa Murphy
Co-creator of LIVE
